And Three's A Crowd

“Take a look at this.”

James shoved his shiny new Motorola V975 into my face. He had just got this new flip mobile phone. I was beginning to feel “phone-envy”. Note to self: time to get a new mobile phone.

As much as I would like to admire the fine silver aluminium case with gunmetal trimmings, I can’t help but notice that he had the picture of his new girlfriend, Hillary, on the phone for wallpaper.

“Look at the quality of the picture. Notice the pixels.”

I tried to find the flaws he mentioned but was too distracted by the picture of the pretty girl smiling back at me.

“Now look at this one.”

He shoved another phone into my face. This time, it was his old Sharp GX30. As I glazed my eyes onto the small 65,000-colour screen, lo and behold, was a picture of his girlfriend again, in a very… err… “girlish” pose.

“Much sharper isn’t it? Look at the colours too.”

“Yes”, I thought to myself. “Definitely more pink in this one”.
(pink being the colour of the skin)

I was beginning to wonder which bit he was trying to show off to me; his new phone or his pretty girlfriend. Oh well, some guys can have both I guess.

James wasn’t too happy with his new phone. The fact that he found a chip, the size of a grain of salt, made it even worse. He wanted a replacement. He demanded one.

“Are you ready to order?”, the elderly Chinese waiter with retro Elvis Costello-style glasses came out of from nowhere, startling the both of us from our comfy bench-style seats. I could swear he would have had some bones broken then had I just have two more cups of coffee earlier.

James took the liberty of ordering, in Cantonese of course. He knows I can only have seafood and vegetarian dishes.

Ten minutes later, our order arrived. Fried and salted squid in batter, king prawn in black bean sauce with cashew nuts, mixed vegetables and tofu, complimented by two bowls of steamed rice. I can assure you, the food was definitely plentiful.

Just like any other strapping young lads, we didn’t waste any time letting the food get cold. As we were half-way through our MSG-laden feast, Hillary walked in through the front entrance.

“I’m going home now”, she sulked.

“Why? What's wrong? Come and sit down”, James retorted.

“I’m not hungry. I want to go home early.”

Hillary had just finished her piano class. James has been escorting her for the past two weeks.

“Ok, I’ll send you home. But come and have a seat first.”

“No I really want to go home now. You guys enjoy your dinner.”

“Yes sure, but just have a seat. I’ll send you home soon.”

This awkward sport carried on for a further two minutes before James finally managed to persuade Hillary to sit down. He’s good. I should take notes. Damn where’s my notepad?

James and I carried on with our dinner while Hillary just sat down and had Chinese tea. Unlike James, Hillary is mixed. Most of the time we would talk about the differences in our language, culture and food.

I also noticed that since Hillary had sat down, James had been in constant physical contact with her. I’m pretty sure I know where his hand went under the table when it’s not holding the chopstick.

Yes, how so very awkward. And there I was pretending I didn’t see any of it. Hmmm, there sure was a lot of MSG in that veggie.

This “hidden” sport became more energetic as James reached the end of his meal. Well, both his hands became free then.

The fact that they continue to have a normal conversation with me over the table, made an awkward and embarassing situation even worse. I can now feel something definitely happening underneath the table as somehow or rather, my leg was rigorously brushed, probably been mistaken for somebody else’s.

Oh dear.

I tried to keep cool and took another sip out of my over-brewed Chinese tea.

I was able to sense that they both could use a room right about then.

James signalled for the bill.


It's true what they say....


Two's a company....