The Absolute Mind F***

**SPOILER WARNING!** Do not proceed if you have not seen this film yet and do not wish to know the whole story. It might ruin or reduce the thrill of watching it yourself for the first time.



Dan (Jude Law) is an obituarist who has written a novel. Alice (Natalie Portman) is a stripper who became a waitress and turned stripper again. Anna (Julia Roberts) is a professional photographer. Larry (played by Clive Owen, whom I think stole the show) is a dermatologist.

Here's the summary:
Dan meets Alice. They fall in love. Dan meets Anna while still seeing Alice. Dan has the hots for Anna. Anna has the hots for him too but feels guilty and rejects him. Dan gets upset and meets Larry (online). Dan pretends to be Anna and gets Larry to meet him (the real Anna rather) to get back at Anna. Larry meets Anna. They fall in love and get married. Larry then f***s a prostitute while on a business trip in NY. Anna f***s with Dan while Larry was away. Anna and Larry split up. Dan tells Alice he had been f***ing with Anna. Alice runs away. Dan is now together with Anna.

Meanwhile, Larry meets Alice in a strip club. They got talking. Anna meets Larry to get him to sign the divorce papers. Larry said he'll sign if she lets him f*** her one last time. So they f*** each other. Anna went to see Dan later. Dan finds out that Anna and Larry had f***ed. Dan finds it hard to accept this and leaves Anna. Anna goes back to Larry. Dan goes to see Larry. Dan begs Larry to let Anna go. Larry tells Dan to go f*** himself. Dan wails like a big baby. Larry tells Dan where to find Alice. Dan is greatful. Larry then tells Dan that he f***ed Alice to kingdom come and then tells him to go f*** himself again. Dan gets back together with Alice. Dan asks Alice if it was true that she f***ed with Larry. Alice denies it. Dan keeps pushing Alice for the truth. Alice admits it in the end and leaves him.

Morale of the story:
Never compete with a dermatologist. You'll just get f***ed.

Cool bit:
Dan pretends to be a Anna in a sleazy online chatroom and gets it on with Larry. Larry is such a pervert, but a very cool one at that coz he rawks.

Confusing/Horrid bit:
Hello? Have you not been reading properly?


After having 3 and 3/4 hours of sleep, I have decided to give it 4 out of 5 stars. Go watch it!!!


Clive Owen and Natalie Portman both won Best Performance in a Supporting Role each for this movie at the recent 2005 Golden Globe Awards.